How to Save a Bee Swarm
Honeybees survive as a species because when a hive becomes overcrowded, the queen and a large group of worker bees fly away from the hive together, leaving behind the stored food and baby bees, including future queen bees, for the remaining workers. That group of bees that leave to start a second hive is called a “swarm.” The bees in the swarm then cluster together on a nearby object, such as a tree branch, and the workers protect the queen while scout bees go off and search for good locations where the queen can start a new hive. That’s crazy, right? Well, we all have our survival strategies (mine seems to be avoiding situations that take me out of my comfort zone, like crossing the street or leaving a store before I finished shopping just to avoid having to talk to Hachi).
Anyway, if you find a swarm of bees near your house that has not yet found a place to start a new hive and you’re worried about getting stung, it is much better for the environment to relocate the bee swarm rather than having it exterminated (there’s a worldwide bee shortage, after all, and we need bees to pollinate our food crops and to keep the planet healthy by maintaining its biodiversity). I recently through the process myself, and it was one of the best days of my life. Here’s what you should do:
1. Check to make sure you have bees, not wasps. No one wants to relocate a wasp nest, so the first step is to cautiously observe the insects to determine whether they are actually honeybees.
If you see a large cluster of insects, all clinging to each other in a clump, maybe in a tree or maybe on a part of your house, you’ve got honeybees. But if you see the insects flying in and out of a nest that looks like it’s constructed from paper or in and out of a hole in the ground, you’ve got wasps and might need to call an exterminator.
When I discovered the swarm in my backyard, I already knew how to tell the difference between a bee swarm and a wasp nest because that was one of the things Hachi explained to me that time when we met at the neighborhood block party. I was very interested in all the bee stuff, but I have to admit that while they were talking, I was also checking Hachi out so maybe I didn’t take all of it in. Plus, we talked about lots of other things besides bees, like the last books we both read, where we grew up, the best neighborhood cafes, our favorite flowers, etc. In fact, it was one of the best conversations I’d had in a long time.
Then, at some point, Hachi pulled out a phone, looked down at it briefly, and said that unfortunately they had to take off. Handing me a business card, Hachi told me if I wanted to hang some time, I should just text! After that, I just stood there alone, staring at the card, wondering what I was going to do. (Hachi was really cute, I thought, and smelled delicious, too—of honey, maybe, or beeswax?—and there had definitely been a flirtatious vibe between us. But I also found Hachi confusing, because Hachiko had an unusual combination of masculine and feminine features and was wearing an unusual combination of masculine and feminine clothing. I mean, I’m not bisexual—or at least I don’t think I am—so before I took things to the next level I kind of wanted to know what I might be dealing with.) Then one of my neighbors came up to me and said, “I see you met Hachi!”
I started to ask, “Is Hachi…”
The neighbor cut me off by quickly, saying, “Hachi is non-binary. They use the pronouns they, them, and their.” I had another question I wanted to ask, but, well, it was not only awkward to bring up but probably completely inappropriate.
2. Call a local beekeeper to see if they’re interested in helping your relocate swarm.
If the swarm on your property is not interfering with your life, like there are no bees flying in through your windows or preventing you from going into your backyard, you can just leave the swarm alone. Eventually, when the bees find a good place to start their new hive, they’ll all take off. But if the swarm is in a problem area, you should find a beekeeper to help you instead of an exterminator. I thought about leaving my bees alone because I really didn’t want to deal with trying to have the swarm relocated, but they had clumped together under my outdoor table in my small back garden, which is my little sanctuary. And, if I wanted to water the plants out there or even open the windows on that side of the house, I was going to have to get some help.
That was annoying because it meant I was going to have to text Hachi. You see, the way I had dealing with Hachi’s invitation the day of the block party was by not dealing with it, you know, by never texting back and by, like I said, trying to avoid them when I saw them in the neighborhood. Which they might have noticed. Or, which they probably had noticed. So that alone would make things awkward. But then there were also those confusing sex dreams I had been having. Ugh.
3. When the beekeeper arrives, show them where the swarm is.
You’ll need to be home when the beekeeper shows up because after all they are providing a service for you and you may need to give them access to the swarm. Also, the beekeeper will probably want to come over right away because they’ll want to make sure the swarm doesn’t choose the new location for the hive—which apparently they do democratically—and fly off together before the beekeeper arrives.
I didn’t have much time to get ready before Hachi came over, though I did manage to take a quick shower, put on clean clothes, and splash on some cologne before they pulled up in front of my place in their truck. The first thing Hachi did was to thank me again for contacting them about the swarm, and they smiled so warmly at me, with adorable dimples and perfect white teeth, that my heart started racing. I tried smiling back as best I could, but it felt weird.
Then as I walked with Hachi down the side of the house toward the swarm, I finally noticed that Hachi did not have any protection gear with them—they were just wearing a more subdued mix of their typical masculine/feminine clothing—although they did put on some clear goggles. When Hachiko saw the bees under my table, they said it was a swarm all right and told me said that I could watch them move the swarm into the hive box if I wanted to. Which, yeah, I definitely did want to do, at least from a distance.
4. Watch the beekeeper transfer the swarm into a hive box from a safe distance.
You will probably enjoy watching the beekeeper transfer the bees from the clump to the hive box. So, if it’s okay with the beekeeper, find a safe place to stand and observe the beekeeper at work. Stay as quiet as possible and don’t make sudden movements, which will help the bees feel safe. The whole process could take about an hour. So, if you start getting bored, you can slowly walk away and find something to do inside the house, like washing some dirty dishes or wasting some time on social media.
I didn’t get bored for one second, though. Because my yard is so small, I went back into the house to watch Hachi through a window. So I saw them as they set the hive box next to my patio table and they knelt down next to it, pausing for several seconds. Then with bare hands, Hachi scooped up a handful of bees and transferred them to the hive box. Whoa, I had no idea people could do anything like that. Hachi then repeated the process, moving very slowly and—it seemed to me—lovingly, and it looked as if the bees were comfortable and calm, focusing on exploring the hive box instead of becoming afraid of Hachi. I was completely mesmerized. Then Hachi picked a single bee—was that the queen?—and put it in a small clear plastic thingie, which they slid into the hive box and clipped into place. Some of the bees started following the queen to her new location, and Hachi just sat back watching, as more and more bees left the patio table on their own and entered into the hive box. Watching Hachi watch the bees, I finally realized what a beautiful person Hachi was, and that all the things that I had been worrying about when I had been trying to avoid them for the last several weeks no longer mattered to me.
5. When the beekeeper has loaded the hive box onto the truck, offer to pay for their services.
Before the beekeeper leaves, they may tell you there are still a few stragglers but those will follow the hive box in the truck because their queen is in the box now. Then they’ll tell you did a good thing in calling them and reassure you they’ll find a good home for the swarm. They might also tell you more about your particular swarm and what it was like to move it. What Hachi said was that the whole process had gone very smoothly because they had found the queen really early on, and after they had moved the queen, it was just a matter of letting nature take its course.
At this point, you should offer to pay the beekeeper for their service, though they may or may not accept payment. If they refuse to take any money, this could be awkward. In my case, Hachi gave me a jar of honey to thank me for the swarm. And then I said, “No, thank you for taking care of my bee problem—in such a completely beautiful way.” And that was followed by an embarrassing pause. But then I figured out that there was a question that I could ask, so I asked it: “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”
Charming.